Why I am Fine the Way I Am – The male response to the “Girlie- man” article


A Couple of weeks ago, I posted an article about a confessed “girlie mans” perspective on why he was still hot for his wife. The premise – no one knows him better than she does and she is still his best friend. Well, a few men responded openly but the majority of the responses came off the air. I thought, to be fair, I would give them some breathing space here on my blog, so here goes:

Firstly Men thought the article was decidedly one sided:  the notion of a girlie-man was abhorrent as it meant they had to conform to be what their wives or girlfriends wanted them to be in order to be considered emotionally mature. “Why do I have to be a Girlie man in order for my wife to like me?”

Secondly Men who hated the article thought their desires as men were being undermined – ” So what if I like porn and women in stilettos, its what I like and what turns me on, so why do i have to give it up?”

Another Idea for a better relationship came from within my home and it went a little something like this: there is mutual give and take in a relationship, more so in a marriage, and one side should not have to engulf the other or subdue it in order for them to be happy. The give and take could be more general, such as knowing the person liked to travel and being fine with that, or specific, doing something you don’t particularly like but they do. The compromise could even take the form of “today for you, tomorrow for me” if you understand what I mean.

The idea here is that each person comes into a relationship as an individual with desires, wants, needs that have nothing to do with the person they are with. To accept the person you are with is to accept all of their desires. You don’t have to agree or do all of them but don’t try to change them, unless the desire is to eat young boys of around 5 or 6 years old. Then… you have to call the police.

This homegrown idea I like the best, as it speaks to the growth of the human being and what we all long for – to be loved and accepted for who we are.




One thought on “Why I am Fine the Way I Am – The male response to the “Girlie- man” article

  1. Tammy, I’m rather surprised that my fellow men folk didn’t want to express themselves openly on your blog! Anyway, I don’t think that the article was prescribing that we men should be girlie-men in order for their wives to like them. Lawrence Bush confessed that he’s a girlie man, and placed his confession within the context of other types of men like Schwarzeneger and DSK. He plainly states that for him, “My own sexuality is so much about my desire to be desired that the thought of sex without reciprocity leaves me limp.” What I take away from Lawrence Bush’s perspective is that unlike men like Arnold and DSK, he’s not into the more exploitative, one-sided relationships, and prefers genuine intimacy and connection with his wife. He admits that he is susceptible to the temptation of straying, but emphasizes that it simply doesn’t match up to what he was at home. Thus his conclusion that “once a man learns to see women first as human beings, second as sex objects, it becomes difficult to reverse the order.”

    I can’t see why any of fellow men would have a difficulty with that position, even if they don’t personally endorse it.

    There’s nothing in Bush’s article that proscribes a peek or two at porno or at stilettos. I certainly don’t think there’s anything in it that undermines the desires of men, as some of your unnamed detractors have charged. Just my two cents!

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